Embarrassing Moments - weddings, contest judges, apple trees, book sponsors, hearing aids, Alzheimers

 My Father - Spanish Gents' Toilet

My late father Albert went into the ladies toilet in La Giralda Spanish restaurant. He thought senoras was the plural of senor. 

The Apple Tree

My father said, there aren't many apples on your tree.

I replied, "It's been a bad year. Storms in the spring. You mean the tree nearest the window? We aren't expecting any apples. It's a pear tree."

Singapore - Book Sponsor's Name

At a book launch by botanist David Bellamy in Singapore the presenter forgot the name of the chief sponsor, a Chinese man, who was approaching the dais.

Wedding - My Introduction

At my wedding, I introduced two guests who lived in the same city, Manchester. They lived in the same house. They knew each other well, already. They were brothers.

My Mother Hearing My Speech

My late mother sat in the front row of the audience and smiled and laughed at all my jokes and stories all through my presentation. That was very encouraging.

Afterwards, at home, I asked her, "Which part did you enjoy the most?"

She replied, "Sorry, dear, I can't remember. I couldn't hear anything you said. I forgot my hearing aid."

Double booked Judge

I was a judge at a contest.  They kept calling. Are you free on the 18th. Ringing to confirm the 18th contest. I am making you the tie-breaker judge.  Don't tell anyone. Here's the whatsapp

Are you in the zoom. we're waiting.

Judge 1. I'll rename myself.

Phone call. Waiting. You are tiebreaker. 

You are not on screen.

"Yes I am. I can see Hakim just above.

Hakim is not in our event.

"Which contest?"

"D."

"Oh, I'm in B."

"Leave them and come here. You are the tie breaker."

"Judge, contest B. Emergency - I must leave."

How's Your Brother?

My late father in law David had Alzheimer's. My husband Trevor has a brother. 

On a family visit, Trevor me and our son Anthony, David turned to our son Anthony and asked Anthony, how's your brother?"

I wrote a book on etiquette. My Singaporean friend invited me to speak to her old school, as a visiting author. She introduced me as the author of a book on etiquay. How could I give the correct spelling.

In my workshop on improving English, with Singaporean Chinese girls who had filed their mock o level, I tried to describe Chinese whispers. 

Eventually, one pupil recognized it. She said, "We have the same. It's called broken telephone. Why do you call it Chinese whispers?"

My first thought was, "Because the Chinese don't understand English or speak it well and send garbled messages. That was not the message to build rapport, and confidence in my listeners. 

After a moment's horror, and hesitation I saw a vision of the map of China. 

I exclaimed, "Because China is so large that by the time a message travels through dozens of people from one side to the other, the message has changed."

A Chinese wall is a business term for preventing two departments communicating, WSET, has a wall between teachers and examiners so the teachers don't now the exam questions.